2. Happy Family Communication

A Happy Family works to develop effective family communication skills. It is so easy to zone someone out, to just not hear what the other person is saying to you. Frequently our children speak to us, and we talk AT them. Same for couples. We get involved in what we want and stop hearing what those around us are asking for. Choose to take time. Choose to share your feelings. Listen attentively to others. Just because you are a Happy Family does not mean you will never disagree. This is the most important time to listen. Listen first before you even think about having an opinion.

At one time Todd and I had started to become strangers with each other, or at least it felt that way. We were busy and exhausted with our daily lives. But we realized what was happening and we worked to find common ground between us to start the conversation up again. It is an on going process, especially in a long term relationship. It is not easy to keep things fresh,

Effective communication is a major feature of Happy families. It is an important, no critical componant that will assist them in getting through hard times. It is in precisesly those hard times, when family members need each other’s support most, that communication can prove to be the most difficult.

A family member having difficulty contending with a difficult problem may feel that it’s not alright to ask for help. They may even try to put a happy face on it to pretend to be cheerful and not worry others. Somtimes it is easy for other family members to feel so involved in a problem themselves that they forget to really listen to each other. If depression or grief is part of the family dynamic due to recent trauma this may well cause, even the happiest family members to withdraw from one another.

How to improve Family Communication

Listening

You may notice that some of these overlap with topics from Appreciating Family. When we appreciate each other we develop family communication skills that build solid foundations for the future. So I encourage you to listen to family members. Encourage them to talk about what is most important to them.This really helps to heal many wounds and slights

Listening requires attentiveness.

Who are the people we enjoy being around the most. They are the people that listen to us and validate us. The same goes for your family members.

1. First of all, listening is most challenging when strong emotions are present. Just being with a family member who is experiencing rough sledding shows that you care.
2. Make yourself accessible to listen even when your spouse or child is not be quite willing to talk. This is a genuine first step. Offer a gentle touch or hug to show support when you don’t know what what else to say.
3. Listening demands a sincere level of receptivity and respect for what your family member is saying. Again, remeber it is not important that you agree, just be willing to hear what the other persons views or beliefs are, above all respect that person.
4. If we are paying attention, and you have put aside what you were doing, it conveys to the speaker that you are intent on listening to them. How profound it is to be heard by a good listener.
5. Ultimately, listening demands both hearing words and sensing feelings. Check in with yourself about how you are interpreting the message you are getting. Ask refletive questions Do you mean ... ? Are you saying ... ? Asking these during the session helps you know whether you’ve understood what your family member really means.

If it sounds a bit clinical, it is because it is the technique used by $100 per hour therapists. So be your family members best therapist...they will appreceiate it...provided they have asked you to play that role by asking for your help.

One final word. We find ourselves so busy today. But challenge yourself and your family members to find time to talk

• instead of watching TV for an hour
• schedule times to eat together
... several times a week
• by making a regualar date to talk with yourspouse or a child- Put in your day timer.
• while in the car traveling to activities oron errands

This leads me to the next trait... Find Common Interests

Return to The Happy Family-Healthy Family Home Page